second guessing- everything.

Homeschool
Schedule
Housework
Free Time

These are my constant balancing challenges. How do I manage our days home with making sure we tackle school, keep the house in a real-life lived in "clean-ish" state or at least not an episode of hoarders? How do I give responsibilities to the boys and have them do the "right" amount of chores? And one of the benefits of homeschooling is that they can have time for their hobbies, how do I find a good balance for this? 

I DON'T KNOW! It's like juggling bowling pins.  And that's not a strength of mine either.

Just like a ton of moms I've talked with, we have this thing we're really good at. (and it's not something to brag about) We excel at constantly second guessing ourselves. I've seen those posts about the mom being in bed and not able to sleep at the end of the day wondering if she loved enough, gave enough, did enough, etc... the message we play is "everyone else has this figured out" Why do we torment ourselves like this? I've been spending some time thinking over this- and have a few ideas. 

First, I think we compare. I compare other homeschooling schedules, I compare other people's fb posts of their clean homes, I compare life, compare kids, and compare talents.  Why do we do this? Our lives are all different, and as my friend Amy says, comparison is the thief of joy.  I believe this! When we look at other homes, other marriages, other schedules... we are pulled away from contentedness. We are pulled away from thankfulness and gratefulness and joy.  My life isn't yours... so unless we can encourage eachother in our own unique journeys please please please don't compare.  

The second reason I think we get trapped in this, is we aren't transparent enough.  I was just talking with a friend Sunday evening at church and it came up in our conversation that how on earth can we encourage eachother, support eachother or be there for one another as sisters in Christ if we pretend life is perfect?  This goes hand in hand with a passion I've had recently to celebrate real-life, not perfect life. To find the joy in DAILY. And it's true!  We need to open up, let others in, and share our struggles with the people God gave us to do life with. We need eachother.  I don't have it all figured out, but I can relate to the struggles in marriage, mom-ing, even in our walks with Christ. And the point of sharing isn't to complain, but to get in the trenches with eachother. We can't get in trenches or have anyone come meet us in our trench if we pretend life is great... and are never willing to share struggles, challenges and hard stuff. Transparency is a powerful thing.  It shines light where darkness is. The thing about darkness is that's where lies thrive, sin thrives, struggling alone thrives. So let's open up a little more. Let's get alongside eachother, not in comparison, but in a heart of encouragement, empathy, compassion and growth. So that we can do this real-life thing together. 

The third thing I think happens with this constant second guessing thing we do as women is having discernment to know what is guilt, and what is conviction.  Satan wants to point out our failures over and over again.  He wants to remind us of all the ways we aren't meeting the bar.  He wants us to feel defeated and not worthy.  To make us believe his lie that everyone else is thriving and we're alone over here failing. We need to call out truth in that battle, because Christ's message to us is SO different than that.  He wants to call out our sin, not to keep us wallowing there, but because HE PAID for that sin on the cross and it cost Him everything in order to set us free! (John 3:16) He convicts us in order to FORGIVE and to give us VICTORY over those struggles.  He wants us to live a life that's free.  Not free to keep sinning, but free from the trap of sin! He wants us to live out our unique stories in a way that shines our lights blazing bright into this dark world... and to shine in a way that gives Him the glory!  But we need His wisdom to know the difference between guilt over things we really don't need to claim guilt in.  And wisdom to know the voice of conviction and to have a heart willing to repent. A heart tender and seeking Him. The best way to grow in discernment is to get in the Word... to study it, learn from it, and make that a priority.

The last thing that I've had on my heart is our pride. Man it gets in the way of making changes that will actually benefit us. We want to do this well, but we don't necessarily want ideas to change things up a bit. This is an area I want to let go of.  I want to be confidant in the roles I'm living, but I want humbleness and a heart that's willing to be taught, nurtured and sometimes flat out called out. (ouch) Pride is ugly, but it's clothed in a really tempting garment. It's deceiving but it hides itself well. 

So sisters, let's rise above! Let's let go of some of these traps we have blindly fallen into and let's do this real-life journey together.  To HIS glory! Let's live an abundant life.

the waiting times

How much life are you wasting in the waiting?  How many moments slip by as you long for the next? The waiting time stretches us, it isn't always comfortable and can sometimes even be down right painful. But if you're waiting until your kids grow out of this challenging phase, you're missing the quiet joys hidden beneath these current trials.  If you're waiting for your marriage to be "perfect" you may be taking forgranted a whole heap load of great right in front of you.  If you're waiting for the weekend, and wasting 5 days every. single. week. then you end up missing out on a whole lot of life that needs noticing too.  2017 I've been stopping, trying to notice and enjoy life right now. The daily. The messes. The tiny little moments. The hot coffee. The health. Real life in all it's raw, beautiful craziness.  Real-life raising four boys, means if I waited until the house was clean, or laundry was caught up, or there to be a moments peace... I would be waiting my life away.  Real-life homeschooling, means my 3 year old is gonna interrupt (a lot), there's gonna be some hard in every day, but that doesn't mean the whole day was bad.  Real-life in my marriage, means sometimes we feel tension, we don't agree, we aren't living this fairy-tale that isn't reality... but it does mean our commitment is solid, we can work through conflicts and keep growing... it means I'm a pretty lucky girl and it's high time I really appreciate that!  Real-life means I'm in the Word and growing in my faith... it certainly doesn't mean I'm perfect, but I AM perfectly His, and soaking up that grace deep into all the cracks of my failures... and man oh man is that grace the sweetest thing. Real-life means repentance and an ever growing desire to live this vapor of a life gifted to me here on earth with roots growing to eternity.  You see, that's the key, this life IS short- this life IS a blink, but eternity is awaiting... and once we reach those heavenly shores all these hard things we face on this side won't matter anymore.  For we will be in GLORY- and have forever to worship our Grace Giver. Stop- look around you today and breath deep.  Don't miss these moments. 

Christmas Writing Prompt

It's Friday, that means in our homeschool we try to do something extra fun for writing. Today we played this Christmas roll a dice story prompt game.  The boys helped me pick characters, settings and problems... We wrote them all down and then took turns rolling the dice (I know it's technically "die" but come on now... let's just be real here)  Once they had their list, they got creative and set in writing.  Gavin ended up with a 4 page story complete with chaos in the toy shop and elves accidentally being delivered to a house instead of gifts.  Ryder's Santa was attacked by Jack Frost mid-air, action packed. Ledger, who isn't writing yet but can dictate and draw illustrations, included a mutant Mrs. Claus and Santa's sleigh breaking to pieces. I especially liked this activity because all ages could join in the fun at their own levels. 

It's always cool to just let them go- and see their creative personalities come out.

Oh, and also, who knew Rudolph isn't spelled with an f... We all learned something today, lol. 

Happy Friday friends!

When real life isn't what you expected

Confession, before I had kids, I was seriously clueless and had these crazy unrealistic expectations about parenting.  You know, the hallmark card version that no one really lives out. examples:  sweet family meals, frolicking in the fields, styling little girls' hair, playing dress-up, and good-night snuggles. The reality looks more like loud, messy family meals, wrestling instead of frolicking in the fields, picking mud out of hair, an occasional cape or

superhero costume running through the house, and whining about bed-time. When our expectations aren't realistic we can sometimes feel let down about the real-life version we are given.  But what I've realized is that the version we have isn't less than we pictured, it's just different. Sometimes VERY different, but the joy of raising kids IS. STILL. THERE. in the noise, in the roughhousing, in the never ending challenge of disciplining and fostering disciples, the task of growing these kids up. It's there in the weariness and the overwhelming responsibility. We just have to stop chasing our vision, and get in line with God's. 

I read once that we should occasionally grieve hard the life we thought we would have, and then get up and thank God for the life we have.

Our oldest is practicing his sharp shooting skills for his first youth hunt next weekend, with his dad. My heart tugs a few different ways at these milestones; first I get a little sentimental at how fast these years are flying, and then I hear this little voice that's stealing a bit of my joy. This voice whispering visions of what I thought our family would look like, a family that would include at least one little girl. Tea parties, nails, hair, and mommy-daughter things are all things I don't have. If I linger too long, or let that voice grow in volume I can just kiss my joy goodbye. That voice of lies, voice of "what-if's" starts to not just whisper but starts shouting, and it's deafening and defeating to listen to... and that's a place I've done some battling in. That's a place I'm learning to have victory in kicking those lies out.  You see, I am raising 4 boys. Four hard and tender, crazy and caring, Loud and Loud and LOUD boys. Boys who love Jesus, and are growing in their faith, boys who are learning to stand up for what's right, boys who still hug me goodnight. Boys who build tree houses, but call for me to climb up to take a look with them. Boys who invite me into their world of boy things to celebrate with them! Wow, what a privilege!  These boys are WONDERFUL. They challenge me and keep me on my knees in prayer, but they are such a gift. If I allow my heart to wander to the "What-if's" and just start hanging out there, my contentment is gone, and I'm missing out on what is right here in front of my face.  If I wish these moments away, then I'm missing out on the blessings God gave me to raise. 

So join me in something, do this with me okay? Just stop. Stop wishing and pushing for your version of things, and surrender to God's. He will surprise you in all the good ways. He will supply what you need to face challenges and be your strength in the times when you are spent. Keep pouring into these souls you are raising. And do not listen to those not so subtle whispers or those hard to miss shouts that are lies. Don't listen to the list of "what-if's" don't give him even another second of your joy. Kick him out! 

Real-life is hard, but real-life exists in the common everyday things. It's in the teeth brushing, laundry doing, floor sweeping, dish washing and keeping house moments.  It's in the band-aid applying, scrape kissing, sick snuggles when they need mom. It's in the being a welcome home for your husband, a cup of hot coffee waiting. Real-life, all you've hoped and wished it to be is NOW. 

Real-life is in the kids playing outside
the kitchen window while I do supper dishes.

Don't miss out on the gifts of today to be waiting, or wishing for a vision of what you thought it would be, cause you'll miss out on the wonder of what it IS!  Real-life is ugly, it's raw and hard and beautiful and full.  Real-life is finding Jesus in it all. It's in leading these little ones to know a Savior, it's in a Bible verse that gets you through stress. It's in relying on Him when you are just done. It's in His faithfulness when you are faithless. It's in the soul soaring, praise giving freedom and forgiveness of sin! John 3:16 is real-life! This world, this life is just a vapor, eternity is a'waiting!