Full Hands: Full Heart

When I take the boys grocery shopping or am doing errands with all of them in tow it literally never fails that someone says to me, "boy, you sure have your hands full." or "are all of these yours?" These words are not spoken to me in an uplifting or encouraging way, they are always carrying a tone, a weight of an unspoken message. 

Inconvenience. 
Annoyance. 
In the way. 
The opposite of blessing. 

I feel sad, anxious and disheartened everytime it happens. Not because my feelings are so fragile, or because the opinion of a stranger bears a huge amount of impact on me.  But because I've looked into my boys' eyes during or just after the words are spoken. I've come to realize they are vulnerable, expectant and in need of my reassurance in those moments. They are waiting for my reaffirming words of worth, love, value and blessing. So I've learned to respond, "My hands are full, but you should see my heart." or "Aren't they the best helpers, I sure am lucky" The boys often smile at me, and we keep on doing whatever task we were there to do. (Not that it's never stressful while we are out- this is real-life so whatever you imagine it would be like grocery shopping with 4 young boys, it's probably pretty close to accurate)

I was thinking back to earlier this fall I was at the thrift store with a couple of my boys. We were browsing, and nearby notice a young mom who was there with a toddler. He was demanding a toy, which the mom repeatedly told him "no, not today." He kept asking, in tears, in demands, in whines. She calmly continued to say "no." He wasn't taking no for an answer. I could feel her anxiety rising, I could see her overwhelmed eyes because those eyes have been my own eyes many many times. Overwhelmed. Embarrassed. The "Get me outta here look"  I could see the glances of annoyance from other shoppers, from the workers. My heart went out to her. She wasn't giving into her young son's begging demands, she was setting boundaries and teaching in public... which is a least favorite of every mom I've ever known.  It's challenging enough to teach at home, or in private, but to be "on display" in public trying to lead our children is not easy, or fun or enjoyable or anything a mom looks forward to. Short term it is so much easier to just buy the toy. Long term we all know that saying no is really important. So in the moment I felt a little nudge from the Holy Spirit telling me to shoulder up to her, and give her just a bit of encouragement. I stood beside her and just quietly said, "You are doing an amazing job. It's not easy. Hang in there, we all have days like this" I couldn't keep the tears from welling up in my eyes or my voice from cracking, and when our eyes met, she had tears in hers too. One of the employees overheard me and our eyes met, they glanced away quickly but I do wonder what was going through their mind. The last thing this mom needed was someone saying, "you sure have your hands full" someone else rolling their eyes at a child acting childish. She needed a blessing.  Moms need that vote of confidence and for us to embrace motherhood out in public. 

These occurrences remind me of a painting that has hung in our

church's stairwell all my life- I need to learn the history of this painting because it is enormous and beautiful.  It's a full color painting of one of my favorite Bible stories of all time. Jesus surrounded with the children and moms.

I've always loved kids, as a young girl there was nothing better to me than getting together with my younger cousins. I loved the chance to be with babies and toddlers. Their noise did not bother me. Their needs did not overwhelm me, I found joy in playing with them and caring for them. But as a mom, it has become increasingly obvious to me that not everyone views kids with warm fuzzy feelings. They often times find them too loud, too messy, too inconvenient. A disturbance. Even with nice intentions, they can often be treated as an annoyance. I believe it would do us all some good if we can learn something from Jesus' example in this story. The disciples wanted to shoo the children away. Much like the people I shop along side of, or the other people in the thrift store that day, the disciples were inconvenienced by the presence, the time, the energy, perhaps the noise of the kids. I can just picture this, can't you? I love how Jesus stepped in- maybe the disciples thought He would be the voice of authority and set these kids straight and send them on their way. This response gives me goose bumps... He stepped in and hushed the disciples- NOT THE KIDS.

(actually my translation says he was indignant with the disciples!)

in·dig·nant

adjective

1. feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment
2. 
   

He took the time to be with the children. To notice them, invest in them and can't you just imagine how He impacted them? He valued them. He laid His hands on them and gave them a blessing. 

I put myself in these mothers' shoes, moms that I'm sure I have much in common with. Moms loving their kids, at times overwhelmed with the demands of motherhood, moms trying their best to teach, even in public places. Moms bringing their children to Jesus. How they must have felt to see the disciples annoyed, not wanting to be bothered by their precious kids. A moms heart hurts when our kids are rejected or not wanted, and the disciples sure were trying to get those kids out of there.  When we are doing our best and getting glares from across the aisle, or getting huffed at for the shear nerve to have our kids with us. Oh how Jesus must have been an encouragement to them just at that moment of rejection. I can picture their eyes welling up with tears. 

Their hands full but their hearts now fuller. That's the effect Jesus has when He enters our moments.  He fills hearts.  

I bet they soaked it in. Jesus' love on their kids, His attention, care and blessing. He certainly impacted more than just a handful of kids that day- He taught us that kids are worth taking the time for. They are worth the extra messes, the extra noise, the extra everything. He loved that group of kids that day, but I know that He also encouraged a mom's heart. We get to choose who we want to be like, the disciples who didn't want to be bothered, or like Jesus.

Motherhood is no easy gig, a mom's heart is one deeply yearning and in need of encouragement. When someone intentionally invests in our kids, it blesses us. When someone reaffirms for us the value of our children it reaffirms much more for us. 

When we are careful of our words, even to a stranger- 

we can become a blessing or a discouragement. 

Mark 10:13-16
People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

Full hands
Full hearts
with the privilege to welcome the little ones and follow Jesus' example 
Hush adults. Lets listen to the children awhile.  

Gratitude is a choice

Holidays can bring chaos, schedules maxed out, different expectations, trying to balance and juggle and prioritize people you love.  Relate?! Pretty sure you can because this is normal!

3 intentional things I've practiced this year have helped me keep a good perspective and be able to enjoy. 

First, be on the same page with your spouse, easier said than done at times, but SO helpful when you aren't taking out stress on eachother. communicate, listen, compromise, appreciate and repeat. 

Second, be present where you are.  I know I can't do it all, be in all places, say yes to everything... so what I do put on the calendar matters to us and I will put my best into it.  Don't over book everyday if you can help it. Say no to some things so your yes to others can be better followed through with. Then be present. If I have a house full of cousins I wanna enjoy them, not be multitasking or sweeping or food prepping. Be present. Engage. Connect. 

Turn Off Your Phone

The third thing is to choose a grateful heart, you know it IS thanksgiving and all... Seems like actually being thankful can be pushed on the back burner this time of year, ironic huh? This afternoon my guys headed out for their annual hunting shack night with my dad, brother and nephews... after their blaze orange drove away I settled in with a writing prompt.  

A hot cup of coffee, a spice scented candle and a little of my fav. chocolate helped. Filling this page only took a handful of minutes, but it was really good for my soul. Seeing all these things that I DO have to be thankful for, sitting there staring back at me; Then following with some time of prayer thanking the One from whom all good things come. Now I'm ready for Thanksgiving starting at my heart, real-life and all.

      

Homeschool kick off year 8!

Someone asked me how I can be a supporter of both homeschool and public school... I've been thinking about it this week. A few conclusions: I have confidence in our decision for this season of raising kids, I know we are doing what works for us. Therefore I'm not living for your approval; I'm not doing this to impress or gain status. I've got nothing to prove other than we're choosing this (because it's our choice to make) and aren't worried what other people think whether good or bad.  

BUT I also have confidence and support for your decisions, even and especially if they are different from mine! I support families, and raising kids IS NOT a competition. We can add richness and perspective to eachother's lives by encouraging and supporting, not in comparing. Each path holds its benefits and challenges. What a gift we can bring to relationships if we can learn to be a life giving source of support, encouragement and a different perspective. We can add new possibilities, enhearten through the challenges, and celebrate together the complete joys each path holds! You don't need my approval, but I'm wholeheartedly giving it.

🏫🚸🚌📚🏡

School on families, school on!!! Hope it's a great year no matter how you're doing it!!! And in the spirit at trying this NON COMPETITION raising kids, what's your FAVORITE part of the path you're choosing? Mine right now is having the privilege to teach a new concept and see their minds click as they catch on.  

Recognizing false sources of joy

Have you guys ever tried to squeeze your joy out of your relationships, or home, or work or kids? What I mean is, I've noticed a little tempting pattern that pops up now and again in my life during different seasons. I've noticed that Satan hits me where it hurts and whispers this lie to me that my joy is somehow linked to how close I'm feeling to my hubby, how clean and organized or decorated my house currently is, how fulfilled I am feeling from the work I put into homeschooling or how well my kids are behaving. 

Like seriously, his lie to me says that these things are the sources of tremendous joy... And that when these things are performing above a line that I invent for myself, then my joy can be full and I can just kick back and really truly and even finally enjoy a "perfect life, perfect marriage, perfect clean home, perfect school days and perfect kids" woah...... When I buy into that sneaky lie a few things happen, all according to Satan's plan.

The Bible tells us that​ the thief comes to ruin us, I love the way the verse says it 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

If I'm putting it all on Josh and relying on my marriage to supply my joy, when the feeling of close, or expectation of perfect fails.... It actually robs my joy, according to Satan's plan. He's the joy thief so he tricks us to put our trust in other things for joy, and then makes us feel so incredibly miserable when that source doesn't follow thru. 

Same with house stuff, if I'm holding off on joy until I get my checklist complete, or find the best New "10 tips to juggle it all", finally decluttering, or a little decorating shopping spree that I "owe myself"... Woah, Satan isn't an amateur at this, he knows how to link our vaulnerablities in and is so vicious! He is a pro. Joy doesn't come from these things! Any of them. So we're left feeling jealous, or empty or like we just can't get this figured out, not just joyless but actually like failures.

This one differs for all of us, but I know how great a smooth school day feels, where the kids are actually dillegent at work, excited with what I'm teaching and not complaining. A few things in this area are a struggle for me; if I am relying on that kind of day to give me joy I'm seriously asking a lot of my kids.... they aren't responsible for fulfilling me. I can't ask that of them! And I can't blame them for "failing to give me that joy" when honestly guys, that's not their job.

Here's where we need a good heaping dose of wisdom, now don't get me wrong, those things would be amazing, those things would be incredible to enjoy, it would be wonderful to feel like I've got things all figured out, that I'm "above line" performing at life... but the lie here is that seeking those things as an idol, as if they are the source of my joy. Guys, we need to get this distinction down, we need to know with all our hearts how to recognize this lie so we can start soaking up true joy, not counterfeit joy, or fleeting happiness. Or investing everyday in search of "the perfect day"... It doesn't exist. And even if you have seasons where marriage is wildly awesome, you've got this cleaning stuff down pat, work is rocking and rolling and your kids are a-m-a-z-i-n-g.... These things don't compare to the joy that comes from Jesus. The verse talks about the true, only, authentic lasting joy, He comes that we can have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY! 

When we set our focus on a relationship with Him as our source of joy, all the things He blesses us with are just that, blessings we can enjoy! We are free to enjoy marriage, kids, work... All of it... Because we aren't depending on people, or things or performance to fill us. And we also will be anchored in truth and ready to face the challenges in imperfect relationships, and imperfect lives because our joy is already full!! To be able to abide in joy, while living real-life!! That means when I have a bad day like yesterday, I can sing "victory in Jesus" and have my heart mean it, because a good day or a bad day isn't the definition of joy to me anymore. Real-life, all of it's crazy, ugly, hard and amazing can be considered joy when I'm living it with my Savior! 

the waiting times

How much life are you wasting in the waiting?  How many moments slip by as you long for the next? The waiting time stretches us, it isn't always comfortable and can sometimes even be down right painful. But if you're waiting until your kids grow out of this challenging phase, you're missing the quiet joys hidden beneath these current trials.  If you're waiting for your marriage to be "perfect" you may be taking forgranted a whole heap load of great right in front of you.  If you're waiting for the weekend, and wasting 5 days every. single. week. then you end up missing out on a whole lot of life that needs noticing too.  2017 I've been stopping, trying to notice and enjoy life right now. The daily. The messes. The tiny little moments. The hot coffee. The health. Real life in all it's raw, beautiful craziness.  Real-life raising four boys, means if I waited until the house was clean, or laundry was caught up, or there to be a moments peace... I would be waiting my life away.  Real-life homeschooling, means my 3 year old is gonna interrupt (a lot), there's gonna be some hard in every day, but that doesn't mean the whole day was bad.  Real-life in my marriage, means sometimes we feel tension, we don't agree, we aren't living this fairy-tale that isn't reality... but it does mean our commitment is solid, we can work through conflicts and keep growing... it means I'm a pretty lucky girl and it's high time I really appreciate that!  Real-life means I'm in the Word and growing in my faith... it certainly doesn't mean I'm perfect, but I AM perfectly His, and soaking up that grace deep into all the cracks of my failures... and man oh man is that grace the sweetest thing. Real-life means repentance and an ever growing desire to live this vapor of a life gifted to me here on earth with roots growing to eternity.  You see, that's the key, this life IS short- this life IS a blink, but eternity is awaiting... and once we reach those heavenly shores all these hard things we face on this side won't matter anymore.  For we will be in GLORY- and have forever to worship our Grace Giver. Stop- look around you today and breath deep.  Don't miss these moments. 

When real life isn't what you expected

Confession, before I had kids, I was seriously clueless and had these crazy unrealistic expectations about parenting.  You know, the hallmark card version that no one really lives out. examples:  sweet family meals, frolicking in the fields, styling little girls' hair, playing dress-up, and good-night snuggles. The reality looks more like loud, messy family meals, wrestling instead of frolicking in the fields, picking mud out of hair, an occasional cape or

superhero costume running through the house, and whining about bed-time. When our expectations aren't realistic we can sometimes feel let down about the real-life version we are given.  But what I've realized is that the version we have isn't less than we pictured, it's just different. Sometimes VERY different, but the joy of raising kids IS. STILL. THERE. in the noise, in the roughhousing, in the never ending challenge of disciplining and fostering disciples, the task of growing these kids up. It's there in the weariness and the overwhelming responsibility. We just have to stop chasing our vision, and get in line with God's. 

I read once that we should occasionally grieve hard the life we thought we would have, and then get up and thank God for the life we have.

Our oldest is practicing his sharp shooting skills for his first youth hunt next weekend, with his dad. My heart tugs a few different ways at these milestones; first I get a little sentimental at how fast these years are flying, and then I hear this little voice that's stealing a bit of my joy. This voice whispering visions of what I thought our family would look like, a family that would include at least one little girl. Tea parties, nails, hair, and mommy-daughter things are all things I don't have. If I linger too long, or let that voice grow in volume I can just kiss my joy goodbye. That voice of lies, voice of "what-if's" starts to not just whisper but starts shouting, and it's deafening and defeating to listen to... and that's a place I've done some battling in. That's a place I'm learning to have victory in kicking those lies out.  You see, I am raising 4 boys. Four hard and tender, crazy and caring, Loud and Loud and LOUD boys. Boys who love Jesus, and are growing in their faith, boys who are learning to stand up for what's right, boys who still hug me goodnight. Boys who build tree houses, but call for me to climb up to take a look with them. Boys who invite me into their world of boy things to celebrate with them! Wow, what a privilege!  These boys are WONDERFUL. They challenge me and keep me on my knees in prayer, but they are such a gift. If I allow my heart to wander to the "What-if's" and just start hanging out there, my contentment is gone, and I'm missing out on what is right here in front of my face.  If I wish these moments away, then I'm missing out on the blessings God gave me to raise. 

So join me in something, do this with me okay? Just stop. Stop wishing and pushing for your version of things, and surrender to God's. He will surprise you in all the good ways. He will supply what you need to face challenges and be your strength in the times when you are spent. Keep pouring into these souls you are raising. And do not listen to those not so subtle whispers or those hard to miss shouts that are lies. Don't listen to the list of "what-if's" don't give him even another second of your joy. Kick him out! 

Real-life is hard, but real-life exists in the common everyday things. It's in the teeth brushing, laundry doing, floor sweeping, dish washing and keeping house moments.  It's in the band-aid applying, scrape kissing, sick snuggles when they need mom. It's in the being a welcome home for your husband, a cup of hot coffee waiting. Real-life, all you've hoped and wished it to be is NOW. 

Real-life is in the kids playing outside
the kitchen window while I do supper dishes.

Don't miss out on the gifts of today to be waiting, or wishing for a vision of what you thought it would be, cause you'll miss out on the wonder of what it IS!  Real-life is ugly, it's raw and hard and beautiful and full.  Real-life is finding Jesus in it all. It's in leading these little ones to know a Savior, it's in a Bible verse that gets you through stress. It's in relying on Him when you are just done. It's in His faithfulness when you are faithless. It's in the soul soaring, praise giving freedom and forgiveness of sin! John 3:16 is real-life! This world, this life is just a vapor, eternity is a'waiting! 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Contentment has been on my heart a lot this summer. As I posted about earlier my husband lost his job, and we fleshed out playing the waiting game for the majority of the year, not really having clear direction or knowing the next step.  As I wrestled with trusting God's plan in all of this (wish I could say that trust came easily, but being totally honest, I struggled back and forth between feeling peace and then having that worry/stress creep in and shadow over me) During this wait, my faith was stretched, answers didn't come as quickly as we prayed for them to (funny how that works!) and we didn't have any control over the way things at his past job unfolded. Contentment, wasn't a word that I could relate to very well during the past 7 months. But as God provided an open door and guided us through the next step in HIS TIMING, I learned so much.

The verse, 1 Timothy 2:13 spoke loud and clear, "if we are faithless, he remains faithful" I can't say that this trial was a total victory for me where my faith didn't ever waver, where I claimed perfect peace throughout and was a shining example of how to face storms in life. I failed a lot. Many times. But God was faithful, as He absolutely always is 100% of the time. He had a plan, He never deserted us, He never failed us. His plan didn't change just cause I was stressing, or struggling or doubting. He was patient with me, and showed us His plan for our family only when it was His timing to do so. 

This fall as Josh is starting his new job and we are transitioning I want to stop and really praise God for that faithfulness He poured on us. Gratitude is what my heart is bursting with in this season. We have a list a mile long of things to be thankful for. 

• Marriage that stood strong, survived, & made it through stress (we took some hits and have some mending to do, but our commitment to eachother didn't waver. Rock solid it stood because it's foundation is centered on, built on, totally dependent on Christ) Marriage is so hard, seriously. & also so rewarding. 
• four crazy, awesome, fun, healthy, challenging, rad boys to grow up. Parenting is a wild ride. These guys are tough and tender. Wonderful and nerve wrecking, amazing amazing amazing. We are honored to be raising them.
• A cozy home
• food to eat
• a Christ centered church family, where we go to be convicted through the Word, be encouraged, be inspired and to worship together
• a group of friends that prays over us and is there for us
• Family

So grateful. so so so grateful. 

Choosing contentment.

Finding the joy in the real-life we are living and focusing on that. There is an abundance!   

I also know and want to recognize that the trial of a job loss would be something some of you would gladly trade your trials for. I know there are much harder, serious and heart-wrenching things to face in this life. The verse remains truth for you to cling to as well, He IS faithful. Always. In His way, in His time, with His big picture in mind. He sets eternity in our hearts. Seek Him. 

During the hard stuff

This would be so much easier to write a year from now when I know the outcome, when I know how God will direct and work all of this out. When I could tell you what doors opened and what ones closed, where we are living and how God provided for us during a hard time. But the truth is, life doesn't work like that. I can't just fastforward the tough stuff to get back to the good. In fact, no matter what season in life, there is always something difficult we are facing. So this is a real life post, right smack dab in the middle of unknowns, uncertainty and a feeling a bit of wondering and wandering.  

Josh found out Friday that in our tiny little town, the company he works for will be moving out by the end of the year.  We are a one income family (on purpose and by choice) I'm a stay at home mom, homeschooling our four young boys.  This is our only income. When I found out the news Friday morning I could feel my heart just sink.  That day went on with a lot of questions, and wanting more details.  A few more details came with Josh coming home and filling me in, but actually there are still a lot of things we don't know. A lot of unanswered questions.  

However, here is a list of truths that I am clinging to.

*God is up to something

*He cares and has not taken His eyes off of our family

*He can fill me with peace even during this

*I have UNknowns. But to God, every. single. one. of those are KNOWNS

*I don't have to face this faithless, God is FAITHFUL and that fills me with hope

*Tears will sometimes flow, and that's okay

*There is still so much to be thankful for

*I do not know the future, but I do know and trust The One who does!

It's so much easier to say all of these things outside of a hard time, but in reality, it's a moment by moment choice to walk by faith.  When I let the circumstances flood in, I can quickly lose focus. 

But then I remember, God is in control and when I am weak, then He is strong. (Talk about good news!) 

So no matter what you are facing today, you do NOT have to face it alone. Get to the source of it all and rest in His strength. He cares and He will carry us through all of our real-lifeness, because the truth of it is, THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF, it brings us to Him! 

The Day After Christmas

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house
Gifts were all scattered and plenty of crumbs for the mouse

The stockings were laying all over the place
The parents felt like they had run a 40 mile race

The kids were all tired and cousins they were missing
364 days couldn't come soon enough and they were a wishing

Some little cheeks with tears they were soaked
For a special new present already had broke

But hearts were flooded and were more full then bellies
Even if ham was subperb that was bought from the deli

For Christmas doesn't just come and last for one day
The meaning to all this madness in a little manger He lay

Forget all the food, and the gifts and the mess
Sit down with some coffee and let go of your stress

Jesus came in the quiet one night
A single star shone to celebrate so bright

But He wants to be part of your daily life
To bring joy and meaning and purpose and walk beside you in your strife

Because Christmas can be summed up with the victory of the cross
Where the weight of all sin, the depth of all loss

He took on himself so willingly
Where He shed His blood for you and for me

So if after the holiday you are feeling a bit down
Take a journey back to Bethlehem town

Look to the baby who was resting there
To the one who knows you and so deeply cares

Then look to the cross and the victory won
For God so loved the world that He gave His son

With a heart full of gratefulness fall on your knees
And go now and be the light that this world so desperately needs

and then there were four. 4. FOUR. IV.

We welcomed our fourth boy into our family on a cold January day.  He is wonderful.  Seriously.  From his head full of beautiful hair down to his wrinkled little feet.  All 10.6 pounds of miracle- placed in our hands to love and raise. What an incredible honor!  

His chubby cheeks beg to be kissed.  His little snuggles to be soaked up. His adorable little cry to be soothed.  We are really enjoying having a baby at home again since it has been almost 4 years since we heard the newborn cry.  Diapers, feedings, getting up in the night... it all came rushing back.  But along with the challenging parts, the feelings of an indescribable love came rushing back too.  My heart could just burst!  

The transition to homeschooling, housekeeping, hormones & not enough sleep.  Transitions are hard. and this one wasn't perfect. We had some rough days. I had some moments where I felt totally overwhelmed...  Like at lunch when Ledger spilled his milk and I just burst out in tears.  lol.  yeah- that happened.  My boys looked wide-eyed at me like "what the heck is going on with mom?! we spill milk all the time and she doesn't cry..."  Emotional, sentimental and longing for peace we stumbled through the first few days after Josh went back to work.  But we made it!  That's the thing: transitions don't last forever and we slowly fell into a rhythm.  I made a point to ignore dishes, laundry and clutter as I focused on giving the boys the attention they needed. We watched cartoons when we needed to.  Stayed in pajamas.  Used paper plates and ate things like chicken nuggets and pizza. We colored, read books together, took naps and played a lot of video games. We had so many close friends & family drop off meals and enjoyed their visits and encouragement. I didn't pretend everything was perfect, but I also didn't let the struggles take away from all the ways we are so blessed. I cried when I needed to, slept when I could, appreciated all the ways Josh was helping & talked to my friends about the rough days.  I also laughed at myself for the unexplained tears. I took vitamins, and prayed for the emotions that were running through me... The first month was a blur and we blinked and it had already gone by. 

That's the thing with raising kids. They don't last forever either.  Our oldest is already 8 and it seems like just yesterday that it were his cries that were waking us in the night.  I don't want to experience this season feeling overwhelmed or stressed out.  I want to notice and appreciate the little moments in each day and not to let the amount of sleep I got to become the deciding factor in the quality of day that follows.  So I'm drinking coffee, soaking up the Word & making a very intentional point to make the most of it all- even the below zero ones where we are cooped up in the house together! (Oh, and I also give Ledger his milk in a cup with a lid and straw now too!)  

my hands are full but my heart is fuller

Besties vs. Worsties

Fighting

Bickering

Tattling

Name Calling

Rough Housing

Annoying!!

I am up to my eyebrows raising 3 little boys... It is unbelievable to me the fights that break out over a toy,  or a block, or a stick!  (or anything!)  They are crazy competitive, at eachother's throats and have the ability to make me feel like I am totally losing my mind.  The messes they make, the disaster that goes in their wake is unreal.  They battle tempers, raw and wild emotions, jealousy, anger & selfishness.  The things that SCREAM out to me, demand discipline, beg for prayer and take up a lot of our time together.

And then there are the quiet moments

The moments that could easily slip by as I breath a sigh of relief or just try to regroup.  Moments where they are sitting together at the table drawing their favorite superheros.  Moments where they are laying side by side on their bellies looking at the new search and find book from the library.  Moments when they are eachother's greatest defender, protector, best friend.  These type of moments do not scream for attention, or demand me to even notice them... in fact, they are much the opposite.  These moments threaten to slip by unnoticed in all the hecticness of daily life.  These moments must be intentionally sought out- and then I have the choice to let these moments soak deep into my very being.  Seeing glimpses of their true character starting to shine through all the negative bits and pieces that are tempting them at every turn gives me hope.

The fight that doesn't take place because my 7 year old chooses to put his little brother before himself.  The name that isn't called because my hot tempered 5 year old is actively being changed by a Savior that loves him and called him by name!  The bickering that is nipped in the bud because even my 3 year old is learning, little by little, how to be a friend.  These moments are silent and filled to the brim with peace-  these moments are the ones that are SO easy to miss if my only focus is on the fight that took place an hour ago.  The sweet times with these little boys can fade into the shadows if I allow the tattling from the past to hold my attention. 

My goal this year is to notice the moments that would otherwise go unnoticed.  And to uplift these guys in prayer for all the areas that are still a challenge.  I want my perspective to be one with eternal value-  and I want to take the time to notice prayers being answered each time the quiet moments surface.  God began a work in each of their individual lives the very moment they chose to accept Him as their Savior- and I am going to claim the promise that the Word gives: 

What little moments in your life are going by unnoticed today?  

10 Year Anniversary

 

 

We were just kids-  to the world it may have looked like we had no business getting married... I was twenty and Josh had barely turned eighteen.  Hardly out from under our parent's roofs (actually I was still living at home- Josh had gotten an apartment that summer, just the month before our wedding) 

But God had His hand in our relationship and would be faithful to us each step of the way.  Ups and downs go along with any marriage- and as we go through the cycle of challenges and struggles, and work our way back to harmony and peace we have grown and learned a lot together.  There is no one else in the world I would rather do life with,  and as I reminisce and look back on our ten years together so far I feel truly grateful for the man of God that Josh is.  It also excites me to think of all that is still ahead for us.  Tens years under our belt and a lifetime in God's hands!

Happy Anniversary Babe! 

Tender vs. Hard-Hearted

Ephesians 4:32

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you"

Sunday September 23rd- I sat in our church- one wiggly 6 year old on my right, one whiny and over-tired 4 year old on my left.  Having numerous behavior problems in the short time we had been in church and to say I felt "tender-hearted" that morning would be a flat out lie.  Anxiety attack would be a more accurate description of how I felt.  

Off the boys ran to children's church-  Pastor Rod started his sermon- we read Ephesians 4:29-32 and are talking about how to be a good steward with our words.  My heart, however is convicting me to be tender-hearted towards my boys.  I sit next to my husband, letting the message sink in, scribbling notes, following along...  One note written at the top of my page is "Am I tender-hearted or hard-hearted in what God has called me to do right now? At home with my kids?"

You see- parenting isn't easy.  (I'll pause for a moment so you can let out your shocked gasp) Actually, anyone with kids knows all too well the challenges that go hand in hand with raising them just in the day in and day out activities. Breaking up sibling fights- teaching about kind words, obeying what mom and dad say, how to be responsible with their own things, how to clean up after themselves. Working with them on how to handle emotions they are faced with- especially hot headed little tempers.  Doing our very best to shepherd their little hearts to know Christ on a deeper level. For me- it seems that all too often I struggle with building up a wall of resentment towards my own little boys. I get weighed down with the struggles we have and don't offer grace along with the discipline. Not that I think that as parents we can turn the other way when it's obvious that we need to step in and help them make better choices- direct them and their behavior and help them grow to be respectful of others.  In fact- it's very important that we take our time to really instill all of these characteristics in their hearts while we have this awesome opportunity raising them.  

But I realized that morning, sitting in our church how much I have really fallen short with allowing that resentment to build up-  not forgiving them and moving forward with our day the way that we could.  Kind-of holding their sin against them.  How dare I do that?  After all- Christ shed His precious blood to cover that sin that they are struggling with- who do I think I am, that I can be slow to forgive?  I am humbly taking this to heart and thinking of all the times Christ poured His perfect grace down on me- for my own struggles with sin and how we as Christians are called to do the same.  I am called to forgive my boys- and move on.  Period.  I feel overwhelmingly convicted to pray about this and really allow Christ to take me, as a mom, to a deeper level of parenting.  I am tempted to be overwhelmed, to feel defeated on some days or to take the easy route.  However, that isn't the only option for me.  I can instead choose to rely on Christ to fully give me the strength to do this well and to change the areas that can be improved upon.  It is wrong of me to hold onto their mistakes and have a bitter hard-heart towards them.  

That being said-  His grace covers my own shortcomings and it's with sincere gratitude that I am soaking it up this afternoon and praying for a teachable heart, that through His perfect parenting He can teach me, His child, how to be more tender-hearted towards my own little boys. 

Enjoy the Day You Have Been Gifted

What does it mean to enjoy the day you have been gifted?  


I thought about this as I made a simple list of activities I wanted to make sure to enjoy with my kiddos this summer.  The list somehow didn't include cleaning, maintaining a spotless house, or striving to live in "perfect-town".  That doesn't mean that daily clean-up routines aren't still in place,  that laundry isn't getting done, dishes are left on the counter or that our home is complete and total chaos.  What is DOES mean is that my kids are my priority this summer.  


That translates into popsicles in the sun, setting up a slip & slide and sporting my suit to enjoy it with them, hikes, campouts, bike riding, climbing trees & practicing bb gun shooting.  (which I can proudly say my 6 year old totally rocks at!)   I am actively making a point to be present in their days, to get to know each of them on an individual level... what they like, dislike, what really brings out that thrill of life in each of them.

Backyard sprinkler on a hot summer day

To talk about important morals, in a very laid back setting...  daily devotions on our porch in the morning sunshine while sharing fruit and yogurt smoothies.  Picnic lunches as we marvel together over God's beautiful creation.  Watching the lightening out our living room window and then playing hide and seek in the dark when the power went out!  Realizing the simple, plain and total truth that each day that passes they are growing up before my eyes- I have truly been gifted 3 little blessings who some how aren't staying little for very long.  I want to make the most of the days we share together-  to work our butts off picking up the house so we can get outside and enjoy the day together.  I am mindfully not just trying to "get through" the day anymore- but believe me when I say that place is very familiar to me in the not so distant past.  A place where I honestly treated my boys more like burdens than blessings... God is teaching me otherwise, but that means setting aside my own selfishness on a moment by moment basis. 

Bible reading and smoothie time!

It is an honor to share my time, energy, focus and attention with these little guys- an honor that will all too soon be a memory.  I want to actively build a foundation that lasts not just for this life- but build up a foundation that has roots running to eternity.  I want to teach, mold and nurture these little souls that mean more to me than words can describe.  


So far this summer I have learned that even during the super challenging days- there are little moments of peace.  I am choosing tho focus on these moments.  I have learned that my 6 year old can honestly out run me in races, and that I don't stand a chance if he is "it" while playing tag.  I have learned that my almost 4 year old is awesome at bike riding.  I have learned that my 2 year old can climb a pole to the top, do the slip and slide with more coordination than I could have guessed and is basically fearless-  not a totally good quality when jumping from high places.  I have been in on tender moments of prayer,  of witnessing true repentance when they are learning from mistakes and how to swallow my own pride and admit when I am wrong and ask them for forgiveness.  I have seen them buddy up and actually be really good friends to each other-  trust me, some days I feel more like referee than anything else.  Moments of friendship, concern or true brotherly love give me hope!  God's grace runs true and deep through our home-  we need it, depend on it and ask for it.  I truly am absolutely nothing without Him.  His strength is what gives me the energy to keep up with these guys and I am at a point in my life where I desire authentic faith more than anything.  I long to live a life that when the rubber hits the road, when things are rough, the days are long and challenging, we are still living in His perfect joy.  His peace is above our circumstances, and I am working on claiming that in my every day life.  


I look forward to all the things I know these guys will teach me as we share the rest of this summer together- and I am actively going to choose to appreciate each day I share with them.

My husband and boys enjoying the sunset while camping

Blessings!  

Get Fit for 30- 3 Month Update

Month 3 is now a thing of the past-  My weight-loss accomplishment to date is 34 pounds!  When I decided to give this my best shot- I never would have guessed that I would have come so far at my 3 month mark.  I was actually hoping for around 22 pounds by this point, so I am just thrilled that my progress is exceeding my goal!  


We went camping for Father's Day and I think what stood out most to me was how much I enjoyed being active with my husband and kids.  Every morning after breakfast we went and explored a new hiking trail and accomplished anywhere from one to two miles together.  It was just awesome to be out in God's creation with my family.  Even our 2 year old did the treks on his own (no backpack or stroller!)  3 months ago I would have opted out.  Stayed back at the campsite and missed out on 3 wonderful mornings with my guys.  I am so thankful for my new found energy and motivation and the very practical, every day, impact it is having on my life!  


On to month 4- a new goal is set- more camping trips are on our calendar and I am looking forward to the ongoing, daily enjoyment of life!  

Sunday morning hike around Star Lake- breathtaking!