Our identity layers, and Who is at our very core

My Identity

When asked who I am when first meeting someone, there are a few go-to answers you would hear from me.  "I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mom of 4 boys" Is my typical ice breaker answer.  I stay home. I teach. I have 4 boys.  Your answer would likely be different from mine-  (Shout out to any other sahms, who homeschool 4 boys- message me... girl we are soul sisters)  lol. Maybe you work and you'd tell me about your career. Maybe you are a student and I'd hear about your education you're pursuing. Maybe you're a grandmother and you'd show me pictures of your grands. You might share something you're passionate about- art, animals, fitness.  If you are trusting and I'm making you feel especially invited, after introductions you might share a challenge you're facing, a fear or even an especially hard circumstance you're going through.  We share these different layers, to different people, at different times. Our roles. Our responsibilities, commitments, schedules. Hopefully we share struggles and prayer requests, ways we're being convicted, and growing as well.  It's this layer of vulnerability that I'm really passionate about this year.  As a New Year unfolded, I made it my intentional focus to find joy in the daily- the mundane real-life.  And to be transparent about ways I need prayer- ways I'm struggling to grow in my faith. Things God has really broken my heart over, and areas I'm experiencing HIS victory in.  

Identity is very layered, and each layer is unique for each person you cross paths with. We might share a layer of motherhood, but differ in # of kiddos, ages, gender. We might both be married, but differ in hobbies or passions.  We might both have a love for camping, or hiking. However, at our very very very core, as Women of Christ, we get to the deepest sense of "who we are". We are Redeemed. Daughters of The Most High King. We have been ransomed at the ultimate price and given a free gift that would have never been earned, bought or awarded. An undeserved gift of eternal life... forgiveness of sins.  This is what (WHO) truly defines me, and starts effecting all other layers of my identity.  I shouldn't try to find fulfillment in other roles, or responsibilities, but this is a constant internal war. In all honesty, one that I often times lose.  If I'm basing my identity on my kids, they become an idol to me... With good intentions of taking this mom gig seriously, I unintentionally bump their status up a bit too high and pretty soon my whole existence is orbiting around them. Life is good if they are "behaving", if they are obeying or happy. I'm learning that this is a sin struggle for me. My fulfillment comes from a relationship with Christ.  My identity isn't a wife, or a mom, although both are very important relationships that have shaped me and been life changing. My CORE identity and what needs to remain as FIRST place in my life is Jesus Himself. He brings fulfillment to my other roles, to the gifts He has given to me. He pours strength into my weaknesses, courage to keep going through a trial and His faithfulness in my life won't alter or shift. His GRACE is deeper than I can even grasp, and when He convicts me and then follows my repentance with such covering, cleansing grace!  So let me formally introduce myself,  

      "I am Stef, a saved sinner, Daughter of the King"

My prayer for you is that if you are born again, you will truly seek to find your identity in Jesus.  If you don't know what all of this means, or these are some new concepts for you- my prayer is that you will seek and find. The book of John is an excellent starting place, reading the life, ministry, death and resurrection of Jesus Himself... meeting Who He is and how it effects you and your eternity.  

a bad day isn't the same as a bad life

guys, this week Tuesday and honestly part of Wednesday were those days where your nerves are fried. Where instead of feeling like you're making any progress in things like laundry, cleaning, parenting, or honestly even feeding your family, you are moving backwards at warp speed.  How can it be possible to move backwards in feeding people?!  We finish a meal no one likes and they ask for snacks-  for real. The kitchen is still a war zone from cooking and they are asking for snacks?  I can't handle this nonsense and it started to really really get to me.  

For those that don't know I'm a homeschooling stay at home mom with 4 boys.  we have a 5th, 3rd, 1st and a 3 year old who is into tantrums and screaming.  Also he likes to find markers and use his hands like paper. I'm doing my absolute best raising this crew- but somedays, like this week, it's just a LOT overwhelming.  Add to that (confession) a certain celebrity giraffe kept me up too late one night, (anyone else feel like this is the longest pregnancy ever- like even longer than my own 4?!) and my coffee wasn't quite making me bright eyed. 

The kids were bickering
I was grumpy
School was both hard to teach and hard for them to learn
the house was a mess
I was on edge
the giraffe was still expecting. (this feels good to admit) lol

It was the perfect recipe for me to give myself the big old green light to feel sorry for myself.  Like full blown pity party style. For me, once that green light is given, chocolate is consumed, dishes sit unwashed, and the woe is me mentality takes root.  I am not proud of this.  This isn't a brag post, this is me being real.  Why does having a bad day make me feel like my whole life is a mess?  I think Satan is such a pro at that... I think there is a spiritual battle waging with such intensity that we don't even recognize. and sometimes giving myself the "green light" is really just as excuse to sin... and I need to recognize that too.  

His lies to me:  
   kids are fighting = I am failing at being a mom
   the house is messy = I can't juggle all of this like other people can
   a giraffe hasn't had a baby on facebook live = it EFFECTS me
   A tantrum = I can't handle this anymore
   

Once lies are recognized, they can start being replaced with truth... and truth is freeing!  So kids are fighting, I need to deal.  They can go outside and get out some of this energy in a healthy way. they can do chores, they can lose a privilege, they can be assigned to help clean up this mess around here. I need to be ready with a plan.  Then I need to follow thru.  If they still fight, there can be things like early bedtime... and sometimes that's exactly what we all need. 

The house is a mess- I can clean!  and it'll still get messy again. Seriously, this one is just something I need to come to some kind of reality check with.  Our house is in use 24/7.  Because 5 people are HOME living, schooling, eating, projecting, playing, watching giraffes all day everyday it's an ongoing thing to pick-up, sweep-up, laundry-up.  It's just the season we're in.  I need to set my mind on other things and not get depressed with the constant state of mess. 

a giraffe.  ok, this one is hard.  Come on April!!!  You have the whole world on edge!!!

a 3 year olds' tantrum.  Again, I need to have a plan... and it still won't always follow the script... because life is like that.  life is as messy as a 3 year old with markers.

Bottom line, bad days don't equal a bad life. They don't make me a bad mom. I need to step back, get a big picture focus again and remember that God is working on each of these hearts... mine included!

This verse soothes my soul at least as much as chocolate does, Hope you find some hope in it too

The moment is now, speak truth

I've got today
I've got now

That feeling of looking back at a moment with regret, wishing you had spoken up, wishing you would have swallowed your nerves and spoken even if your heart was pounding. You see their searching eyes, you can feel the pain they are experiencing, you know they feel hopeless and lost. Empty. Confused. Lonely. Without purpose. Without meaning. But oh the truth, if you could just knock them over the head with the truth. Well, maybe not knock them over the head, but certainly pierce through all the lies of the enemy and start to replace those lies with truth. 

The truth is so freeing though. 
The truth says they are worth while. 
The truth says there is hope. 
The truth says that the darkness they feel right now can scatter when the One True Light shines in. 

You see, I know we all have people in our life that need for us to be truth speakers into their darkness. Who need us to get right there next to them and then remind them of The One who wants to carry them through. Maybe they've known before but somehow the darkness made them forget. Maybe they have no clue how deeply they are loved by a Savior who gave His life willingly on the cross so they could have the hope of eternity, but also the promise to never go through life alone. Maybe it's forgiveness they need to soak up, grace beyond words that erases guilt, gives fresh starts and breaths worth right back to the core. Undeserved grace, that reaches us at our worst. We are promised forgiveness from that weight and draining, exhausting, grouling burden sin gives us. Life is hard, but we don't face this life alone. Be ready to speak truth into someone's struggle today, be a friend, care, and introduce them to Someone who's love is infinite.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life

True HOPE in a world of despair

This fall I started researching abortion-  I wanted to educate myself with the facts, procedures, statistics and basically the raw reality.  It was not only an eye opening journey, but also a heart wrenching one.  I lay many sleepless nights, kept awake over all that I was learning.  3,000 a day.  55,000,000 in the past 40 years. 

unable to sleep, I spent a lot of time praying for ways for God to use me, for Him to show me how to get involved, and what steps to take to actually DO something.  How can we give women better options?  They need to know that they aren't alone and that they have the support they need to make a better choice… one that won’t end the life of their baby.  Women that have already walked down this path need to know the healing love of Christ, they need to know there is forgiveness and that there can be freedom from the pain and hurt they are experiencing.  Pre-teens and teens need to be shown  the worth and value of saving themselves for marriage, and how even after they have made mistakes in the past  it's not too late to reestablish boundaries and claim fresh starts.   God longs to bless their choice to follow His guidelines. 

I came in contact with Hope Pregnancy Resource Center in Wausau-  I called and talked to Jackie their local director and just shared how God was laying on my heart to get more involved.  We set up a tour so that I would be able to learn more about their facility and their mission.  I want to share with you some of the services that they offer:

 Integrity training for teens and young adults in dating relationships. This class teaches them how to set boundaries, establish guidelines and if needed, claim fresh starts and new beginnings that can break the cycle of bad relationships or boundaries crossed.  To accomplish this goal, the Hope Center uses a team of trained volunteers who speak in schools, to youth groups, at camps and retreats. These teens are challenged  to take their abstinence seriously while  being motivated  to make personal goals, set boundaries and to become prepared to succeed.  For those teens that have made mistakes-  trained volunteers come alongside them to help them see their worth through Christ’s eyes and share with them the value in reclaiming their abstinence. I was blessed to see the cool ministry of  Hope pregnancy center:  Showing  girls that there is eternal value in accepting the forgiveness God is offering them and that He wants to bless their journey going forward when they choose His standards.

 The center also offers support and counsel for crisis pregnancies.  Pregnancy testing, ultrasounds, and a support system to help these mom’s gain courage and strength to choose life are a few of the things they do.  Connections for adoption are available if that is the path chosen. Parenting courses are offered when a girl chooses to keep and raise her baby. They will provide a full 9 months of support, and more classes are available helping her be prepared to be a great mom!  By participating in classes, going to her prenatal appointments and doing her assigned homework, she is able to earn points that can be cashed in at their baby-boutique to get items like diapers, sleepers, shoes, car seats, pack n plays, and strollers.  All of these items are made available through donations

Another aspect of the Center's mission is Post abortive care.  Jackie shared with me the very real pain and hurt women experience-  Oftentimes mixed with regret and a feeling of shame and hopelessness.   Statistics state that 1 in every 3 women will have an abortion in their lifetime.  If this is true, then this pain is more widespread than we would like to believe… and there are a lot of women hurting from the secret they are keeping.

Intertwined with all of these services is the Gospel message.  It truly is the foundation for all that they do.  They pray for each client and pray for the right opportunity to share Jesus’ love.  Because truly, as supportive as we can be… it is Christ who is our ultimate source of support, forgiveness, love and new beginnings.  It is through Him that girls, no matter what their story, can experience the hope that is available- true hope.

If we honored each of those 55 million human beings with a single minute of silence, we would remain speechless for over 100 years.  

Instead, let’s commit to praying for ways to personally get involved and ways to show Christ’s love to those needing it… Let’s actively pursue and make a point to DO something.  The Body of Christ can play a HUGE role in shining the light of truth into these lives-  if we are just praying for ways to be used by God for His glory.  Our God is a personal God.  What He asks   us to get involved with will be different for each of us-  but I have no doubt that if we ask-  He will guide us to something-  and enable us to do it well! His strength working through our weakness. I think that’s what makes each of our own personal testimonies so touching.  I made a lot of mistakes as a teenager, and have seen God’s faithfulness in my own life and experienced His love for me even though I made some horrible decisions and chose to walk down the wrong path.  He redeemed me, His child, and gave me a fresh start! Although I was never faced with the decision to choose life or abort, looking back at that time in my life, the choices I was making, and the path I had gone down it could have very easily been my circumstances. A string of relationships that didn't honor Christ’s plan for me- continual choices to cross boundaries that were never meant to be crossed.  Living under guilt, regret, shame and a feeling of worthlessness.  Satan had me feeling trapped by my own sin.  That wasn't the end of my journey though and getting back on track with Christ’s plan for my life was the best decision ever made!  He didn't want to hold me in guilt or shame-  He wanted to free me from my choices and grant me a new start!  That’s what grace is!  Something we don’t deserve, but love poured down on us.  Instead of worthless-  He showed me my worth.  Instead of guilt He showed me that I was forgiven. And instead of choosing to continually repeat those same struggles- He showed me His plan for my future and together,  with His power, He gave me the courage and faith to make new choices going forward!  He gave me HOPE when I was feeling hopeless. It’s never too late to turn to Him.  

      It’s only because of His love that we can help each other.    Being willing to come along side someone else who is struggling- and wanting them to experience Christ’s purpose, love, hope and healing is what being a Christian is.  That’s living out the Gospel in a practical, day changing way.  None of us are perfect and it’s sooooo good to remember His grace!   This is one of the theme verses used at the pregnancy center:

 Isaiah 61:1-3

61 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
² to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
³ to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified

Speaking this year at Hope's annual banquet is the actress from October Baby, Shari Rigby. She played the mom who had the failed abortion.  Her testimony is powerful and she will be sharing her own personal journey of abortion, regret and ultimately the forgiveness that she found in Christ. Please take a second to watch this clip of her sharing her story. click here  

As I thought over the word she used "Ransomed" I thought about the meaning:

 to deliver especially from sin or its penalty. 

We each have something in our own lives that is weighing us down- God doesn't want you to go one more day living under that weight.  Your ransom has been paid!  Sin doesn't have a hold over your life anymore because Christ took that sin upon Himself when He died on the cross.  Allow tonight to be the night you let that ransom soak in, the night you change paths & make God’s path the one you choose.  You are never without HOPE, it’s never too late.  Don’t wait any longer- experience the love He is longing to pour down in you.